7 THINGS NO ONE TELLS YOU ABOUT YOUR WEDDING (But a Wedding Planner Will)

When it comes to weddings, there is so much effort and preparation that goes into the "big day" and everyone wants everything to be perfect. But there are a lot of things that a couple should keep in mind both during the planning process and for the wedding day itself. And a lot of the time it doesn't come to mind or often goes unsaid...unless you have a Wedding Planner of course.

Here are some things that most people likely won't tell you about planning your wedding (but that a good Wedding Planner will):


1. That two year old Flower Girl or Ring Bearer may not make it to the end of the aisle (and that's OK!)
If you choose to have a very young Flower Girl or Ring Bearer you have to accept that there is a possibility that they may not make it to the end of the aisle (or even go down the aisle at all). Sudden shyness, fear or being distracted are all likely possibilities. And if they don't make it down the aisle, your ceremony procession won't be ruined. In all reality no one will care. It may even provide a lighthearted moment. So avoid putting unnecessary pressure on the little ones (and yourselves!). If you're truly unsure of whether or not your Flower Girl or Ring Bearer can do the job you're planning to give them, opt to not have one. There's no rule that says you have to.


2. It's rain, not acid. 
Everyone wants a beautifully sunny, warm day for their wedding. But hey, sometimes Mother Nature has other plans. If increment weather is threatening to rain on your parade, don't let it set you into a panic. It's just rain, not acid. It's not going to melt away your wedding. The key thing is to be prepared. Have matching golf umbrellas handy (a good photographer will be able to set up some awesome positioning/shots utilizing those umbrellas) and have back-up plans for anything happening outdoors whether it's the ceremony, reception or your Wedding Party photos. No one is going to judge your wedding day because you had rough weather. So just accept that you might get wet and move on. (Or don a super cute pair of rain boots and have fun with it!)


3.  S*** Happens. Roll with it.
Any wedding professional who says they can make your wedding day "perfect" is full of it. There is no such thing as a "perfect" wedding day. Stuff can happen. Mistakes can happen. Delays can happen. Bad weather can happen. Just roll with the punches and you'll find that your wedding day will be happy no matter what transpires. And if you have a Wedding Planner you've got it made because they'll do all the stressing and fixing for you which makes ignoring the not-so-great stuff and focusing on all that "hey-I'm-getting-married-today" goodness that much easier.


4.  Not all wedding professionals can give you "discounts" or negotiate their fees. 
There are so many magazine articles and blog posts out there that give you tips on how to "negotiate" with wedding professionals or how to get "discounts". But here's a little secret: Not every wedding professional can give you those discounts or can negotiate their fees. And that doesn't make them bad vendors. That makes them great vendors because they actually value their profession and what they can do for you. You have to understand that this is a wedding professional's livelihood. If you wouldn't accept your Boss docking your salary because they don't want to pay you that much why would you expect a wedding professional to doc their fee? It's important to focus on the quality of service that you'll get, not the price. And if you can't afford that quality, consider downsizing on another element in your wedding so that you can. A good Wedding Planner won't promise to get you "discounts" for all of your vendors. They'll explain that some may offer discounts, others may offer incentives and some will just do their absolute best to make you happy on your wedding day. Focus on what they can DO for you, not on what the dollar sign says.

PS: That goes for us Wedding Planners too!


5. You don't have to please everyone.
Everyone has an opinion or advice as to what you should do or have with your wedding. But that mean that you have to actually incorporate every idea, tradition or demand into it. The biggest mistake you can make is creating a wedding that makes everyone else happy but leaves you stressed and feeling as though it's not about the two of you anymore. I've said it once and I'll say it again, the key words in this scenario is "I'll take that into consideration". Then consider the idea/advice/demand and either put it into practice, toss it or compromise. Parents have their own idea of how weddings should be but while some of their points may be valid in terms of etiquette, culture or religion, you have to remember that they only know how things were done when they got married and they don't quite realize how much the times have changed. If your parents don't like something that you've incorporated, they'll get over it. Trust me. In the end they just want you to be happy (even if they aren't saying it at that moment). Friends, family members and those in your wedding party all, I'm sure, have fantastic ideas but they may not have your budget in mind. The only people that you have to please on your wedding day is your guests and yourselves. If your guests are fed, entertained and respected and you are having the time of your life, then bravo -- you've done what's appropriate.


6. It is not acceptable to be a "Bridezilla" or "Groomzilla".
The fact that there are television programs out there that glamorize the "Bridezilla/Groomzilla" mentality just kills me. It's not funny. It's not cute. It's not even entertaining. The whole "it's my day and it has to be my way" line of thinking is just plain unacceptable. Yes, you want a fantastic wedding day and you want to have a good time. But so do your guests, your wedding party and those who are working their hardest to make that happen. It's all about respect. Giving out as much respect for those celebrating with and working for you will be reciprocated ten fold. Having an overall nasty attitude will just damper your wedding with negativity which defeats what you were trying to achieve in the first place doesn't it?  Refer to point #3 and understand and respect that your wedding will only be as undesirable or enjoyed as your attitude.


7.  Those close to you are as nervous and excited for your wedding day as you are. (Including your wedding professionals!) 
If you have butterflies, can't sleep and are jittery the night before the wedding...guess what...so do those close to you. Even if they don't say it or show it, they all want you to have the absolute best and most memorable wedding day and are secretly crossing their fingers for you. No matter what may transpire before the wedding day, there is nothing but love and excitement and good thoughts for you on the wedding day. So on your wedding day breathe in every laugh, every tear and every pitter-pat of your heart and feel that love and excitement in the air and enjoy one of the most happiest moments of your lives.

HONORING LOVED ONES IN YOUR WEDDING OR EVENT

The passing of a loved one can be a difficult thing to embrace when celebrating a special occasion. And for most, honouring a loved one who has passed in a celebration can be even more difficult. How do you honor someone without bringing down the mood of the celebration is a question This Planner is frequently asked.

Here are some ways in which you can honor a loved one (or many loved ones) who have passed that cherish their memory but won't damper the mood with tears.


LIGHTING A MEMORIAM CANDLE
For a wedding ceremony, have a framed photograph of your loved one next to an enclosed candle. The candle can either be lit prior to the ceremony or can be lit during the ceremony as a special inclusion. Following the ceremony the candle and photograph are moved to the reception where it will continue to burn. Not only will this honor the loved one, but it will feel as though they are there celebrating with you.


HONORING WITH FOOD
Did a passed loved one have a special recipe for an appetizer, entree or dessert? Providing that the caterers or venue will allow for it, why not have that recipe replicated in honor of that loved one? Was your Aunt's Southern Fried Chicken a hit at all the family gatherings? Why not have that same recipe replicated by your caterers and served as part of the meal or as a savoury addition to the late night table? Having your Grandmother's perogies as a food station? Why not label the station as "Nana's Perogies" and have a small framed photograph of her next to the label? Food has always been part of celebrations and by incorporating your loved one's special recipe into your celebration you're not just honoring them but celebrating them as well.



HONORING WITH BEVERAGES
Did your loved one have a specific drink that they had in hand at every family gathering? Was there a specific beverage with which they started or ended their day? Why not offer a "signature drink" at your function's bar which is the same drink your loved one preferred and name it after them? Perhaps "Uncle Leo's Spectacular Scotch" for example? Did your Nonno have a shot of whiskey in his coffee every day? Offer a "specialty coffee" as an option with dessert in addition to regular coffee or tea wherein the coffee has that same shot of whiskey as Nonno and name it "Nonno's Special Caffeine Fix".


GIVEAWAYS
In lieu of the typical giveaway at a celebration, incorporate a giveaway that will offer a lasting memory of a loved one. Give a donation in each guests name to a charity or organization that reflects on your loved one. Was your loved one a fan of basketball? Give each guests a silver basketball key chain so that they will always have a memory of your loved one with them. Did your loved one have a favourite flower? Give away a crystal frame with that flower pressed inside the glass.


OSCAR-STYLE "IN MEMORIAM" SHOW
We've all watched the "In Memory" portion of the Oscars wherein a dedicated video montage is shown to honor those actors that have passed that year. It's a moving tribute without bringing down the mood. Loved ones can be honored in a celebration the same way. Whether it's by video or photographs, have a slide show or montage of loved ones who have passed. The key to making this celebratory and not depressing is to choose images that will make your family laugh or smile rather than make them sad. Choose photos from funny moments in their life or a video of them doing something funny rather than just a standard image.


ATTIRE & SPECIAL ACCENTS
Whether it's wearing your mother's wedding gown, your father's favourite tie or a piece of jewelry that was once coveted by a loved one, incorporating something that belonged to your loved one in your attire will have them present at all times. Attire aside, incorporating a piece of jewelry or a small item that once belonged to your loved one in your wedding bouquet or boutonniere or corsage will make them ever-present in your celebration.


DEDICATED SONGS
Having a loved one's favourite song played during dinner is another way to honor them without dwelling on the sadness. This song would be played unannounced by the DJ or band, but those who knew and loved the honoree will recognize it immediately. If the song is an upbeat one that can be danced to, have it played during the dancing portion of your evening. Having fun and remembering the good times with that loved one is one of the best ways in which to honor them.


When a dearly loved one is missing from a milestone celebration it can be incredibly difficult but by choosing to honor them in a way that will bring about happy memories rather than sad, you are not only keeping them ever present in their heart but you'll have their spirit celebrating right along with you.

*In loving memory of Alfred Lugli and Gino Vecile*

DIY MONKEY-THEME FIRST BIRTHDAY

This Planner has a schedule chock full of parties, weddings and events and so when I have a personal, family celebration I tend to take the more simple yet intimate route. After all, there's only so many hours in a week!

Recently, my son turned one year old and a low key gathering of family and friends was our celebration of choice. The party was simple and casual with, of course, a few personal touches to make it special. We call our son our "lil' monkey" and so a monkey-themed celebration seemed fitting.

The colour scheme

Wanting something vibrant and fun, I chose orange and turquoise for the overall covers of the party. It was still boy-friendly while straying from the usual blues, browns, yellow and greens that a monkey-themed party might utilize.

The menu:

Keeping it simple while offering a variety of options and quantity for a guest count of thirty was key. Aside from the typical cheese and meat platters and veggies and dip as appetizers, we chose a simple low key lunch menu which consisted of:

• pasta with homemade meat sauce
• mini pizzas
• corned beef sandwiches on Pandesal
• ceasar salad
• lumpia 
• rolls with butter or an assorment of lunchmeat and cheeses

Dessert was simply homemade brownies, fruit salad and, of course, the butter pecan cupcakes topped with cream cheese icing.


The personal thematic touches

  

Turquoise linens covered the various tables in the room. A tower of cupcakes acted as a centerpiece for one of the tables while the others had stuffed monkeys and plastic bananas gracing their surface. Orange and turquoise balloons hovered in the corners of the room.

Orange and turquoise cupcake toppers were handmade to adorn the cupcakes. Cupcake toppers could have been purchased for $4 - $8 but I chose to make them myself to add that personal touch. I found the monkey label online and customized it in Photoshop so that it matched our theme colours. After cutting out the labels, I simply taped a toothpick to the back of one of them and then glued another label, facing out, to the first so that there was a front and back to the cupcake topper.

As a fun and unique parting gift for our guests, I created Monkey Cones. These handmade orange and turquoise cones were stuffed with sweetened banana chips for the adults and banana-shaped marshmellows for the kids.  To make the cones, I used orange bristol board and turquoise ribbon and again, finding a monkey label online, cut out monkey faces to glue onto the cone's front. To make the cone I found an online template and followed the directions. To house the cones I covered white party trays with styrofoam and covered the styrofoam with plastic grass that I had found at the Dollar Store.

PARENT WEDDING SONGS THAT DON'T SUCK

We've all been to a wedding where the Father/Daughter and Mother/Son dance is to the same song we've heard at the last three weddings we've attended. And no offense to Bob Carlisle or Luis Armstrong, but if This Planner has to hear "Butterfly Kisses" or "It's a Wonderful World" one more time I'll be tempted to slit my throat with my butter knife.

I'm always on the hunt for unique songs for my clients to dance to with their parents -- songs that still have meaning (albeit perhaps not literal meaning) and yet are a little something different for both the couple, their parents and the guests who have to sit through the dances. The Father/Daughter and Mother/Son dance are special ones and so they should stand out in their own special way. And so I thought I'd compile a list of some of my favourites.



FATHER/DAUGHTER SONGS

Lynyrd Skynyrd - "Simple Man"

Jessica Simpson - "You Don't Have to Let Go"

10,000 Maniacs - "How You've Grown"

Loudin Wainright - "Daughter"

Mark Harris - "Find Your Wings"

Neil Young - "Here For You"

John Denver - "For Baby"

Bread - "Daughter"

Trace Adkins - "Then They Do" 

Bruce Springsteen - "When You Need Me"





MOTHER/SON SONGS

Bon Iver - "Flume" (there's also a cover by Peter Gabriel)

Dar Williams - "The One Who Knows"

Good Charlotte - "Thank You Mom"

Sissell - "Sarah's Song"

Kristy Lee Cook - "Like My Mother Does"

Mindy Glendhill - "Hourglass"

Blue October - "Blue Does"

Van Morrison - "Days Like This"

Led Zepplin - "Thank You"



EITHER PARENT SONGS

Guns N' Roses - "Sweet Child Of Mine" (there is also a cover by Sheryl Crowe)

Taylor Swift - "Never Grow Up"

Hootie & The Blowfish - "Hold My Hand"

Elton John - "Blessed" 

The Waifs - "Shelter Me"

OPENING THE LID ON ET LØFTE EVENTS

So I'm often dishing out wedding and event planning goodness on this blog and rarely share anything about ET LØFTE EVENTS specifically. So This Planner thought, why not give you a deeper look into who ET LØFTE EVENTS is?  After all, it's not just about what a wedding and event planning company creates but also who the key players are behind the name and their approach. Every Planner is different, each totally fabulous in their own way with clientele so vastly different from one another.  In order to have a successful wedding or event, you have to be working with a Planner who fits your style and with whom you're comfortable. 'Cause you'll be with that Planner for a looooong time!

So open the box, take a peek inside and enjoy your insight into yours truly at ET LØFTE EVENTS!

All Photos by Matthew Kozovski Photography

'ET LØFTE EVENTS' is a weird company name. What made you choose it?

At first glance, the company name may seem a bit off the beaten path for a planning company, especially one that plans weddings. And that's exactly why I chose it. It's so completely different from any name I've encountered in my field which really stands for what I try to achieve with every wedding and event I plan. The name doesn't merely say that I think outside of the box, the name shows it. ET LØFTE also means "a promise' in Danish and that too stands for something. I'm delivering on a promise to do my very best to create a unique, personalized experience for my clients and their guests whether it's a few small details or one grand one.
 

What's ET LØFTE EVENTS' style?
My approach to planning is a blend of laid-back, edgy, creative and fun with meticulousness and a touch of tough-love. I love it when my clients have fun with planning their wedding and get as excited as I am about their plans. That's what it's really all about. I really do want my clients to enjoy the planning process and be stress free but I'm also not a push-over. I don't sugar coat things - I'm blunt and I'll tell it like it is. I feel that's the only way to combine the 'dream' aspect of a wedding or event with reality. And so my clients and I have a lot of laughs and a general good time throughout the planning process and at the same time I'm not afraid to exercise tough love if needed so that my clients get the wedding or event they've envisioned. 

You're Melissa Nowakowski, Creative Director and Principal Planner... Are you Polish?
Ummmm....no. I'm actually Italian despite the pasty white skin tone and the blazing red hair. My husband is not Polish either despite his surname. He's Filipino. His father isn't Polish either. He's Danish. It's a loooong story. The great thing about personally combining two opposites in culture (Asian and European) is that I really know what it means to embrace and incorporate traditions and beliefs from each culture in life. This really helps me in appreciating the viewpoints of those wedding clients with contrasting cultures and to help them view their cultural difference as a beautiful thing to be celebrated.


Were you always a wedding and event planner?
Gosh no. In my lifetime I've done everything from Theatre to Marketing and PR. Somewhere along the lines I fell into event planning and then wedding planning. In University I studied Musical Theatre and English (my clients still have a hard time picturing me tap dancing).  Funny enough, everything I've done career-wise has had a creative element to it -- whether it was performing in a Musical to creating a launch for a well-known author.

Are wedding planning and event planning your only interests?
While planning weddings and events do keep me quite busy, I do have a life outside of my career. Aside from having a husband and two boys ages one and three years I also have a huge passion for Musical Theatre (see above) and Martial Arts. If I'm not running after my boys (all of them) or kicking some butt (literally), I'm belting out a tune from 'Rent' or 'Wicked' or whatever. My guilty pleasures? Reading tabloids and watching Jersey Shore (I can't believe I'm admitting that actually...)



What is your ideal client?
My ideal client has an open mind. Period. For me, when I'm meeting a client or clients, it's not how glamourously beautiful or how off-beat and funky the wedding or event will be, it's about how open-minded the client is to creativity.

Do you follow the latest trends?
I'm aware of the latest trends in planning but I do my best to not put them into practice. So I guess in a way I don't. I can't focus my energy on creating one of a kind events or weddings if I'm utilizing a concept or design that's been done a million times over.


What is the greatest compliment you've ever received from a client?
I've been very blessed to have uber amazing clients in my career as a wedding planner and event planner, each etching a wonderful memory in my mind. And their compliments are not only flattering and appreciated, but have always spurred me to continue to do great work. I think the two that stick out in my mind specifically though are the celebration client who called me "the Jillian Michaels of event planning" and the wedding clients who said in their speech "you're organized enough to run a miliatry campaign, let alone a wedding". Those still make me giggle to this day.


What is the biggest piece of advice you can offer someone planning a wedding or event?
Don't worry so much about one-upping that other wedding or event you attended. Concentrate your efforts on making your wedding or event personalized to YOU. That is what is going to make your celebration unique in the end, not a random bunch of bells and whistles. I always say that you can have an flying elephant soar across the room dropping crystals from a monogramed sachtel... but if that flying elephant means little to you other than a "wow" factor, it'll mean little to your guests too.  

Wanna know more? Feel free to hit up this post with a comment or question! I tend to be open book to a fault ;)

DRESSES WE TOTALLY DIG RIGHT NOW

Photo courtesy of Glamour Magazine

Though This Planner doesn't wear dresses all that often herself (ok, ok, it's rare to see me in one), I'm always scouting for dresses that are a little different for not just myself but for my daring clientele. I'm a big fan of getting creative when dressing up for special events -- whether it's for a Gala, life celebration or whether you're attending or standing in a wedding. When it comes to Weddings especially, This Planner loves seeing non-matchy-matchy Bridesmaids at the alter, each in their own creative styles. There's no rule that says the gals standing in for you have to match, and by allowing them to pick out their own dresses you're allowing them to be themselves as much as you are in your wedding gown. And I am always over the moon for those who aren't afraid to take risks with wedding fashion.

Scoping out the recent Fashion Weeks, there are quite a few dresses that I think absolutely rock -- funky, edgy, whimsical and just plain haute. There's nothing more I'd be thrilled about than to see some of these uber-creative stylings grace the altars of wedding ceremonies or be showcased by hosts of any special event. Check out some of the dresses that caught This Planner's eye below and who knows? Maybe it will inspire your inner-fashionista when deciding on your special celebration dress.

Source REUTERS

Source REUTERS

Source REUTERS

Source REUTERS

Source Dual Show

Source Cute Like Mad

ET LOFTE LOVES!!!

Source Cute Like Mad

Photo by Randy Brooke/WireImage

Photo by Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images

Source Zimbio

Source Frills and Thrills

MEETING MATTHEW:
AN INTERVIEW WITH MATTHEW KOZOVSKI PHOTOGRAPHY

All images provided by Matthew Kozovski Photography

This Planner had the pleasure of meeting Matthew from Matthew Kozovski Photography last year during a meeting with my clients. The first thing that struck me about Matthew was his laid back, comforting, yet professional approach. He was witty. He was passionate about photography. He wasn't afraid to let you see his personal side. And sitting with him for even just a few moments felt like you've known him all your life.

This Planner's roster of photographers is vast in personality and style -- each offering something different for every type of client I work with -- and so I was happy to not only include him among this esteemed list but to introduce him to you as well.

And so, without further ado, here's some tidbits from my conversation with Matthew Kozovski Photography:


Et Lofte: So Matt, how would you describe your photography style?

Matthew: I really feel that my style is very candid-documentary style. To me, the natural reactions and situations highlight the beauty in everyday life. It's those subtle glances, tiny grins and moments when one doesn't realize that a camera is being pointed at them, that's when the magic takes place.




Et Lofte: What makes you unique from other photographers in the wedding/event industry?

Matthew: I believe that personality and chemistry between a photographer and subject are a huge factor. Having that positive relationship produces the best quality of images hands down. Having just gone through the wedding experience myself, I can absolutely relate to a couple and what they might be going through.



Et Lofte: Congrats! Given that you feel that you can relate to a wedding couple, what would be your favourite type of clients?

Matthew: My favourite type of clients are those who really get 'into' the shoot. Having fun, being natural and having a sense of adventure and energy.




Et Lofte: What has been your favourite photography shoot?

Matthew: Looking back, I would have to say that it was the first wedding I ever shot as the primary photographer. There was definitely a sense of excitement and energy in what it meant for me, but also that the couple was absolutely awesome -- full of energy and excitement as well.



Et Lofte: And who inspires you as a photographer?

Matthew: I guess the real question is who doesn't inspire me?? Everyone and everywhere serves as an inspiration. My wife, my family, my friends, clients, peers...The great thing about being a photographer is that it forces you to slow down and look at what's around you. Once you do that, inspiration is everywhere.




Et Lofte: "The great thing about being a photographer is that it forces you to slow down and look at what's around you" -- LOVE that! Ok so given that everything inspires you, is it only weddings that you shoot? Or do you do other types of shoots as well?

Matthew: I also shoot portrait sessions such as family, engagement, baby, etc and also corporate assignments. For my own personal projects I enjoy landscape and street photography.




Et Lofte: How long have you been a professional photographer?

Matthew: After doing photography for over ten years, I made the decision to officially turn professional in 2011.



Et Lofte: And what made you decide to pursue photography as a career?

Matthew: Well as I've said I've been shooting for quite a number of years. Throughout that time a lot of friends and family kept suggesting that I make the move to professional photography but it wasn't until my own wedding when I really started to consider the possibility. We were over the moon with the experience we had and couldn't have been happier with the results. It really reminded me how fulfilling of a career photography can be -- to bring that kind of joy and happiness to people and see their reactions. There's nothing quite like it.




Et Lofte: What is your best piece of advice for couples considering photography for their wedding or for anyone hiring a photographer to capture any type of event?

Matthew: When it comes to choosing a photographer, there are two things to consider...First is their style. As you go through images, take note of the photos that really capture your attention. Ask yourself what it is about that photo that you enjoy. Try creating a board on Pinterest! As you go through these images, you develop your own personal taste and style of the photos you enjoy. Now when you start to research your photography options you have a great idea of what to look for.

Second is the photographer's personality and your comfort level with him or her. Aside from your wedding/event planner, this is the professional who will be with you for the entire day, working with you. The more comfortable you are, the more pleasant the experience and the better the photos will be. When having your face to face interview, get to know the photographer, what their tastes are and what their personality is like. Also, make a big point to let them know as much about yourself -- it will allow your photographer get a better understanding of who you are and allow them to do their best job in telling your story!



Et Lofte: Awesome advice! To check out more of Matthew's work visit www.matthewkozovskiphotography.com or contact him at 416-333-3221!